I just pynch a tree in the face
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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