My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
