we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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