i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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