I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
