playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
