We're like a lot better than the average bears
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
