Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
