Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
