We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
