my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
