My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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