Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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