marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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