I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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