Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
