i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
