You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
