Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
