I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
sarcasm needs its own font
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
