why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
