guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We left the knife in your bed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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