We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
