i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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