just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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