When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Welp...herpes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
