I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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