Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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