Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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