P.S. I can't hear my feet
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
