If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
zippers are such a cool invention
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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