pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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