I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
