we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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