I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
