U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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