My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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