If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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