Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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