If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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