He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
