I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
