That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
