No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
