I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's Friday. Sex?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
