You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
