im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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