There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
