Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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