Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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