I didn't shave. On purpose
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
