Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
