mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
