You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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