mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
