im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
false alarm, still single
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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