My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize