idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
