Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
