i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize