My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
