There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
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Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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