I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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