Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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