i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
