Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
