My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
