why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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